makinguptonight.com

It’s pretty clear, if you drive a car, that to keep it running you have to change the oil periodically. Although this seems clear to everyone, apparently it’s much less clear to people that you need to periodically “change the oil” on your marriage - in other words, marriage requires maintenance. One convenient and effective way to help maintain (and improve) your marriage is to consult marriage counseling books. Something so valuable as a marriage is worth the time and money that it takes to buy and read the book. This little investment can prevent a nasty and painful divorce.

There must be hundreds of marriage counseling books out there, and new ones are coming out all the time. But you don’t always have to go with the latest fad. In fact, it may be better to use a book that’s been around a while. It’s not as if the problems that couples face are new. In fact, we face the same issues our great-grandparents face: affection, control, money, kids, and so on.

One classic book that I like is “His Needs, Her Needs”. It was written by Willard F. Harley, Jr, a practicing psychologist. He focuses on the fact that husband and wife have differing needs. These needs are so different that it’s often the case that the husband doesn’t even realize that he is not meeting his wife’s needs, and vice versa. According to Dr. Harley, men’s greatest need is usually sex, which should come as no surprise. For women he ranks affection first, which is something many men find it hard to deliver. In summary, Dr. Harley’s encourages the husband and wife to make loving accommodations for each other’s differing needs, even if it requires some self-sacrifice.

An alternative marriage counseling book is “Getting the Love You Want,” which takes a very different approach. The author is Dr. Harville Hendrix, a practicing therapist. Dr. Hendrix personally experienced a divorce, and as a result has a great empathy and understanding for other couples in trouble. According to Dr. Hendrix’ view, our attraction to our spouses is based on subconscious reasons that we aren’t even aware of. He states two main reasons as follows. First of all, we find people attractive when they have both the positive and negative traits of our parents (or childhood caretakers). Second, we find people attractive who make up for the things we missed during childhood. The upshot is that we often get married with the expectation that our husband or wife will be the parent-figure that we always wanted, and who will give us what we missed out on during our first childhood.

Although I don’t agree totally with Dr. Hendrix, I did enjoy reading the many case histories he cites to support his arguments. One of these involves John, a dull businessman (in his own words), who fell head-over-heels for Cheryl because she was emotionally expressive. However, although this attracted John to Cheryl at first, very soon he became overwhelmed by her outbursts.

In short, there are a lot of options out there, as far as marriage counseling books is concerned. But it’s worth the time to look around at the different options. Marriage counseling books aren’t that expensive. And don’t put it off, sometimes a big problems in a marriage can be avoided if little problems are nipped in the bud - and marriage counseling books can help with this. Your marriage is worth the investment!

Click on this link for more information about this topic: Marriage Counselling Book or Catch A Cheating Spouse or How To Save Marriage